Deer and Statistics

An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada. After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 meters away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose. A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 meters to the right of the moose. The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired. The bullet landed 3 meters to the left of the moose. The statistician jumped up and down and screamed "We got him! We got him!" .

“Statistics is the art of never having to say you're wrong. Variance is what any two statisticians are at.” C. J. Bradfield

“The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple” Oscar Wilde

“Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.” Aaron Levenstein

“If your result needs a statistician then you should design a better experiment.” Baron Ernest Rutherford

Secret of Long Life

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.

Statistics Bomb

A man who travels a lot was concerned about the possibility of a bomb on board his plane. He determined the probability of this, found it to be low but not low enough for him. So now he always travels with a bomb in his suitcase. He reasons that the probability of two bombs being on board would be infinitesimal.

Job Interview

A mathematician, an engineer and a statistician all apply for the same job. At the interview they are asked the question, what is 1+1. The mathematician replies, "I can prove that it exists but not that it is unique." The engineer after some thought replies, "the answer is approximately 1.99 with an error in the region of 0.01." The statistician steps outside the room, mulls it over for several minutes, and eventually in desperation returns and inquires, "so what do you want it to be?"

Why a medical doctor is more regarded than a statistician? Because doctor analyses your complicated sickness. Statistician instead, makes you sick with complicated analysis.

Lottery is a tax on people who don't understand statistics.